Saturday, May 2


I’m currently running the latest version of Girl-Friend and I’ve
been having some problems lately.
I’ve been running the same version of Drinking Buddies 1.0 all
along as my primary application, and all the Girl-Friend releases have
always conflicted with it.

I hear that Drinking Buddies won’t crash if you run Girl-Friend in
background mode with the sound turned off. But I’m embarrassed to
say I can’t find the switch to turn the sound off. I just run them
separately, and it works okay.

Girl-Friend also seems to have a problem coexisting with my Golf
program, often trying to abort Golf with some sort of timing
incompatibility. I probably should have stayed with Girl-Friend 1.0,
but I thought I might see better performance with Girl-Friend 2.0.

After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has
had experience with Girl-Friend 2.0. He said that I probably didn’t have
enough cache to run Girl-Friend 2.0, and that eventually it would require a
Token ring to run properly.
He was right—as soon as I purged my cache, it uninstalled itself.

Shortly after that, I installed Girl-Friend 3.0 beta. All the bugs were
supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it, it gave me a
virus. I had to clean out my whole system and shut down for a while.

I very cautiously upgraded to Girl-Friend 4.0. This time I used a
SCSI probe first and also installed a virus protection program.
It worked okay for a while until I discovered that Girl-Friend 1.0
was still in my system!

Then I tried to run Girl-Friend 1.0 again with Girl-Friend 4.0
still installed, but Girl-Friend 4.0 has a feature that I didn’t know
about that automatically senses the presence of any other version of
Girl-Friend and communicates with it in some way, which results in
the immediate removal of both versions!

The version I have right now works pretty well, but there are
still some problems. Like all versions of Girl-Friend, it is written in
some obscure language that I can’t understand, much less reprogram.
Frankly, I think there is too much attention paid to the look and
feel rather than the desired functionality.

Also, to get the best connections with your hardware, you usually
have to use gold-plated contacts. And I’ve never liked how Girl-Friend
is totally “object-oriented”.

A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of Girl-Friend
to Girl-Friend Plus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident
version of Girl-Friend.

He discovered that Girl-Friend Plus 1.0 expires within a year if
you don’t upgrade to Fianc e 1.0. So he did. But soon after that, he
had to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes as a “huge resource
hog”. It has taken up all of his space, so he can’t load anything
One of the primary reasons that he upgraded to Wife 1.0 is that it
came bundled with FreeSexPlus 1.0.

Well it turns out that the resource allocation module of Wife 1.0
sometimes prohibits access to FreeSexPlus, particularly the new
Plug-Ins he wanted to try. On top of that, Wife 1.0 must be
running on a well warmed-up system before he can do anything.
Although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with Mother-In-Law 1.0
which has an automatic pop-up feature that he can’t turn off.

I told him to try installing Mistress 1.0, but he said that he
heard if you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife
1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then
Mistress 1.0 won’t install anyway due to insufficient resources.

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