| I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. |
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| | You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. |
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| | I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing. |
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| | Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. |
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| | When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS. |
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| | It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. |
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| | BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore. |
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| | So you're a feminist....Isn't that cute! |
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| | We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. |
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| | I took an IQ test and the results were negative. |
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| | I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles. |
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| | Hard work has a future payoff, laziness pays off now. |
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| | Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive. |
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| | I need someone really bad... are you really bad? |
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| | Where there's a will, I want to be in it! |
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| | God must love stupid people, he made so many. |
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| | Prevent inbreeding - ban country music. |
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| | There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't. |
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| | Always remember, you're unique, just like everyone else. |
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| | As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools. |
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| | Ted Kennedy has killed more people with his car than I've killed with my gun. |
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| | Montana -- At least our cows are sane! |
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| | WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition |
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| | I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made. |
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| | Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips. |
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