Sunday, May 3

Hello 95

Well, Bill, I’m really confused on this call. I’m not sure
whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously
helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in
America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows ‘95. I’m
going to do something I’ve never done before. I’m going to let
you decide where you want to go.”

Bill replied, “Well, what’s the difference between the two?”

God said, “I’m willing to let you visit both places briefly, to
see if it will help your decision.”

“Fine, but where should I go first?” Bill asked.

“I’ll leave that up to you.” God replied.

“Okay then,” said Bill, “let’s try Hell first.”

So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with
clear waters and lots of long-legged women running around,
playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was
shining; the temperature perfect. He was very pleased.

“This is great,” he told God. “If this is hell, I really want to
see Heaven.”

“Fine,” said God, and off they went.

Heaven was a place high in the clouds, beautiful and sunny, with
angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice,
but not as enticing as Hell.

Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision.

“Hmmm. I think I’d prefer Hell,” he told God.

“Fine,” replied God, “as you desire.”

So Bill Gates went to Hell.

Two weeks later, God decided to check on the late billionaire to
see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill,
shackled to a wall screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves,
surrounded with heavy thick-legged women and being burned and
tortured by demons, with no one to help him out of his dilemma no
matter how loud he screamed.

“How’s everything going?” He asked Bill.

Bill responded with his voice filled with anguish and tormented

“This is awful. This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks
ago. I can’t believe this is happening. What happened to that
other place, with the beaches and the long-legged women playing
in the water????”

Oh,” God said, “that was Hell 3.1. This is Hell 95.”

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