Thursday, May 7


Effective immediately, a toilet policy will be established to provide more  consistent method of 
accounting for staff during working hours, thus ensuring  effective time management & equal treatment
of all In the future, the doors to  all toilets will be equipped with computer linked voice recognition 
devices, which can only be activated to open at the sound of a person's voice. Staff must therefore
immediately provide management  with 2 voice prints, one in normal tone & one under 
stress/desperation.  The following rules shall also apply:   1. On the first day of every month, 
all staff will be issued 22 toilet trip  credits.  2. Once toilet trip bank reaches zero, the doors of the
toilet will  not unlock to your voice until first day of next month.  3. All cubicles are to be equipped
with timed roll extractors. If stall  occupied more than 3 minutes, alarm will sound. Paper will retract 
into  dispenser 30 seconds later and toilet will flush and door will open.  4. If toilet remains occupied, 
your photo will be taken and appear on TOILET  OFFENDERS board.  5. Anyone caught smiling will
undergo counseling.  6. Be advised that workers comp insurance does not cover any injuries
incurred  while trying to stop toilet paper retracting into dispenser, or keep door from  opening.     

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