Alcohol warnings

The Toronto Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed on all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of drinking a pint or two of any alcoholic beverage. 1. 

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead animal that is one hundred yards away.

 2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot. 

3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault you 

4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish. 

5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think of him.

 6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead. 

7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho Bob.