Email Error

It's wise to remember how easily email can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences……..

Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.

Unfortunately, when typing her address, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

P.S. Sure is hot down here…….

Bush's embarrassing moment in China

Chocolate

A man was in an ice cream parlor waiting to buy some ice cream. there was one  lady in front of him. 

she ordered a chocolate cone.  the soda-jerk told her he's sorry but they have run out of chocolate.

she  said, "ok, then i'll have some chocolate."  he told her, "lady, i'm out of chocolate."  once again 

she said, "ok, i'll just have some chocolate." exasperated, he said, "lady, spell van as in vanilla."  she 

spelled van.  he said, "good, now spell straw as in strawberry."  she spelled straw.  he said, "good, 

now spell f*** as in chocolate."  the lady said, "there is no f*** in chocolate."  he replied, "that's what 

I'm trying to tell you."         

Overworked

I have found out the real reason why I'm tired, because I'm overworked! The  population of this country

is 237 million: 104 million are retired. That leaves  133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in 

school, which leaves 48  million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal

government. This leaves 19 million to do the work. 4 million are in the armed  forces, which leaves 

5 million to do the work. Take from the total the  14,800,000 people who work for the city and state

government and that leaves  200,000 to do the work. There are 188,000 people in hospitals so that

leaves  12,000 to do the work. Now there are 11,998 people in prison. That leaves 2  people to do

the work, You and Me... AND YOU'RE SITTING THERE SCREWING AROUND ON MY JOKE

PAGE!       

Life After Death

"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.
"Yes, sir," the new recruit replied.
"Well, then, that makes everything just fine ... " the boss went on.
"After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she
stopped in to see you."

Doctors and Lawyers

Two attorneys boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the window seat, the  other sat in the middle

seat. Just before take-off, a physician got on and took  the aisle seat next to the two attorneys. The

physician kicked off his shoes,  wiggled his toes and was settling in when the attorney in the 

window seat said,  "I think I'll get up and get a coke." "No problem," said the physician, "I'll  get it for you." 

While he was gone, one of the attorneys picked up the  physician's shoe and spat in it. When he 

returned with the coke, the other  attorney said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too." Again,

the  physician obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the other attorney  picked up the other

shoe and spat in it. The Physician returned and they all sat  back and enjoyed the flight. As the 

plane was landing, the Physician slipped his  feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had 

happened. "How long must this  go on?" he asked. "This fighting between our professions? This 

hatred? This  animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?"    

STAFF NOTICE - TOILET POLICY

Effective immediately, a toilet policy will be established to provide more  consistent method of 

accounting for staff during working hours, thus ensuring  effective time management & equal treatment

of all In the future, the doors to  all toilets will be equipped with computer linked voice recognition 

devices, which can only be activated to open at the sound of a person's voice. Staff must therefore

immediately provide management  with 2 voice prints, one in normal tone & one under 

stress/desperation.  The following rules shall also apply:   1. On the first day of every month, 

all staff will be issued 22 toilet trip  credits.  2. Once toilet trip bank reaches zero, the doors of the

toilet will  not unlock to your voice until first day of next month.  3. All cubicles are to be equipped

with timed roll extractors. If stall  occupied more than 3 minutes, alarm will sound. Paper will retract 

into  dispenser 30 seconds later and toilet will flush and door will open.  4. If toilet remains occupied, 

your photo will be taken and appear on TOILET  OFFENDERS board.  5. Anyone caught smiling will

undergo counseling.  6. Be advised that workers comp insurance does not cover any injuries

incurred  while trying to stop toilet paper retracting into dispenser, or keep door from  opening.     

Help Wanted

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following:  "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual . We are an Equal Opportunity Employer." A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the  manager. The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type." The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair.  The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a  computer." The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect program that worked flawlessly the first time. By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I *still* can't give you the job." The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal  Opportunity Employer. The manager said, "Yes, but the sign *also* says that you have to be  bilingual". The dog looked at the manager calmly and said "Meow."

Four Letter Word

Patient: During my operation, Nurse, I heard the surgeon use a four-letter  word that upset me very

 much.  Nurse: What word was that?  Patient: "Oops!"       

Last Day of Work

It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the
mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at
the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who
roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift
envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The
folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At
the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a
revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door
(which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where
she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he
had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast:
eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange
juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As
she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's
bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's
the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today
would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked
him what to give you. He said, 'SCREW him. Give him a dollar.' The breakfast was
my idea."

Office Prayer

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to  change the things I cannot 

accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those  people I had to kill today because they pissed me

off. Also, help me to be  careful of the toes I step on today, as they may be connected to the ass that I 

may have to kiss tomorrow.        

Lazziest

A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to
trick them into doing some work for a change.
"I've got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you," he
announced. "Will the laziest man please put his hand up?"
Nine hands went up.
"Why didn't you put your hand up?" he asked the tenth man.
"Too much trouble," came the reply.

funniest fall ever caught on TV

Top 10 Funny misses

The Funniest Video ever

description as shown on you tube:
hey guys in the title is extrating and this is a COMPLICATION of clips batched into one and plz no swearing(unless your saying it's good)

hey and i am working on new and edited version but i will be only avalabe on the funniest video ever website


and if you feel the last part offends you plz tell me but i would need atleast 1000 people complaining

Meet The 360 Avatar

Tokio Hotel - The Girl Fixation

Mistaken Identity

A drunken guy is walking down the street. He sees this nun, runs up and knocks  her over.  He says, 

"You don't feel so tough now, do you,Batman!?"       

Peanuts?

A man walked into a bar, sat down, and ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer,  he heard a soothing 

voice say, "Nice tie."   Looking around, he noticed that the bar was empty, except for himself and the

  bartender at the end of the bar.   A few sips later, the voice said, "Beautiful shirt."   At this, the man

 called the bartender over. "Hey, I must be losing my mind,"  he told the bartender. "I keep hearing

 these voices saying nice things, and  there's not a soul in here but us."   "It's the peanuts," answered 

the bartender.   "Say what?" replied the man in disbelief.   "You heard me," said the barkeep. "It's the

 peanuts... they're complimentary."       

Ugly Chick

A man is out, driving happily along in his car late one Saturday evening. Before too long, the cops pull him over.  The policeman walks up to the man and asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?"  "Why? Was I weaving all over the road officer?"  "No," replied, the policeman, "You were driving splendidly. It was the ugly fat chick in the passenger seat that gave you away."