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1. | | The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. |
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2. | | If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. |
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3. | | Money can't buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live with. |
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4. | | Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before. |
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5. | | Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're OK, you're it. |
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6. | | Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check. |
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7. | | A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn. |
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8. | | It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats. |
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9. | | Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn. |
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10. | | If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book. |
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11. | | COROLLARY: If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live. |
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12. | | The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was. |
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13. | | It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. |
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14. | | Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor. |
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15. | | The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think. |
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16. | | Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. |
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| | Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them. |
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18. | | Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. |
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19. | | Poker rules supplement: A .44 Magnum beats 4 aces. |
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