With video games becoming a multi billion dollar industry, more and more people are getting into gaming. With the increase in gamers there is also increases in douchebaggery… The only logical reaction is to stab these “gamers” in the face with a controller. This is the “TOP 10 Online Gamers I’d Like To Stab in the Face with a Controller”.
10. The Tea-Bagger
The guy who has been doing this since video game characters were given the ability to crouch. He’s never grown out of it and probably never will. It’s likely he was the victim of real tea-bag attacks during his formative High School years.
9. The Tactical Nazi
He’s never been in the military and most likely has never had to devise any sort of real plan of attack other than the occasional water balloon fight but will verbally assault anyone on his team that does not follow his direct orders.
8. The Thug
This tough guy will threaten to shove parts of his anatomy through parts of yours. His kill/death ratio has him convinced that he is a bad ass but would probably urinate in his sweatpants if ever confronted with a real fight.
7. The Stalker
You never should have accepted this friend request. You can’t sign on without an invite 10 seconds later to a game you don’t even own. While playing an intense online shooter he will constantly distract you and cause your death by sending chat requests, game invites and messages.
6. The Noisemaker
A lobby terrorist. His A.D.D. kicks in and will begin to make siren, screeching, or fart noises until a match begins. You can’t tell him to stop because no one can make a noise high-pitched enough to match his.
5. The American Idol
Much like the “Noisemaker”, this person will sing songs into his headset like he’s trying to make it into the Karaoke World Finals. A close relative to the “American Idol” is the guy who plays his own music via stereo directly into his mic.
4. The Tourettes Baby
The foulest of mouths in online gaming. This child isn’t old enough to participate in any of the things he’s screaming about but will try to convince you that he’s had sex with every member of your family including the dog.
3. The Homophobe
This guy doesn’t understand the concept of the gay culture. He believes that fairly killing him in an online match is the calling card of a homosexual and the only reason you targeted him is because you want to force him into a scene from a prison shower.
2. The Racist
This guy knows he can’t get away with it in the real world so he turns to the land of gaming to declare his ignorance to a bunch of people that will give him the reaction he so desperately needs. He talks as big as the “Thug” but is probably even more afraid of leaving his house.
1. Mega Douchebag Supreme
Mega Douchebag Supreme is a combination of the previous nine gamers and is the reason for the invention of the “Block Player” option that still isn’t available in enough games today. Once everyone on the planet blocks him, he will simply create a new account and torment online gamers for eternity. (Or at least until his parents kick him out of their basement and he has to get a job and become a productive member of society.)
The worst part about Mega Douchebag Supreme is that he is the one responsible for turning regular gamers into the thing they despise most because when you are subjected to enough of his antics, it is totally possible for you to snap and become the object of your own hate.
If you feel like you might have been kind of a douche in that last match, do yourself and the rest of the gaming community a favor… pull the plug and punch yourself in the face.