Sunday, May 17

Abbott & Costello Learn Hebrew

You have to keep in mind the meaning in English of just five Hebrew words. 
#1) Mee means 'Who' in English 
#2) Hu means 'He' in English 
#3) Hee means 'She' in English 
#4) Ma mean 'What' in English 
#5) Dag means 'Fish' in English 

ABBOTT: I see you're here for your Hebrew lesson. 
COSTELLO: I'm ready to learn. 
A: Now, the first thing you must understand is that Hebrew and English have 
many words which sound alike, but they do not mean the same thing. 
C: Sure, I understand. 
A: Now, don't be too quick to say that. 
C: How stupid do you think I am -don't answer that. It's simple-some words 
in Hebrew sound like words in English, but they don't mean the same. 
A: Precisely. 
C: We have that word in English, too. What does it mean in Hebrew? 
A: No, no. Precisely is an English word. 
C: I didn't come here to learn English, I came to learn Hebrew. So make with 
the Hebrew. 
A: Fine. Let's start with mee. 
C: You. 
A: No , mee. 
C: Fine, we'll start with you. 
A: No, we'll start with mee. 
C: Okay, have it your way. 
A: Now, mee is who. 
C: You is Abbott. 
A: No, no, no. Mee is who. 
C: You is Abbott. 
A: You don't understand. 
C: I don't understand? Did you just say me is who? 
A: Yes I did. Mee is who. 
C: You is Abbott. 
A: No, You Misunderstand what I am saying. Tell me about mee. 
C: Well, you're a nice enough guy. 
A: No, no. Tell me about mee! 
C: Who? 
A: Precisely. 
C: Precisely what? 
A: Precisely who. 
C: It's precisely whom! 
A: No, mee is who. 
C: Don't start that again-go on to something else. 
A: All right. Hu is he. 
C: Who is he? 
A: Yes. 
C: I don't know. Who is he? 
A: Sure you do. You just said it. 
C: I just said what? 
A: Hu is he. 
C: Who is he? 
A: Precisely. 
C: Again with the precisely! Precisely who? 
A: No, precisely hee. 
C: Precisely he? Who is he? 
A: Precisely! 
C: And what about me? 
A: Hu. 
C: me, me, me! 
A: Hu, hu, hu! 
C: What are you, an owl? Me! Who is me? 
A: No, hu is he! 
C: I don't know I maybe he is me! 
A: No, hee is she! (STARE AT ABBOTT) 
C: Do his parents know about this? 
A: About what? 
C: About her! 
A: What about her? 
C: That she is he! 
A: No, you've got it wrong-hee is she! 
C: Then who is he? 
A: Precisely! 
C: Who? 
A: He! 
C: Me? 
A: Hu! 
C: He? 
A: She! 
C: Who is she? 
A: No, hu is he. 
C: I don't care who is he, I want to know who is she? 
A: No, that's not right. 
C: How can it not be right? I said it. I was standing here when I said it, 
and I know me. 
A: Hu. 
C: Who? 
A: Precisely! 
C: Me! Me is that he you are talking about! He is me! 
A: No, hee is she! 
C: Wait a Minute, wait a minute! I'm trying to learn a little Hebrew, and 
now I can't even speak English. Let me review. 
A: Go ahead. 
C: Now first You want to know me is who. 
A: Correct. 
C: And then you say who is he. 
A: Absolutely. 
C: And then you tell me he is she. 
A & C: Precisely! 
C: Now look at this logically. If me is who. And who is he. And he is she. 
Don't it stand to reason that me is she? 
A: Who? 
C: She! 
A: That is he! 
C: Who is he? 
A & C: Precisely! 
C: I have just about had it. You have me confused I want to go home. You 
know what I want? Ma! 
A: What. 
C: I said Ma. 
A: What. 
Q: What are you, deaf? I want Ma! 
A: What! 
C: Not what, who! 
A: He! 
C: Not he! Ma is not he! 
A: Of course not! Hu is he! 
C: I don't know. I don't know. I don't care. I don't care who is he, he is 
she, me is who, ma is what. I just want to go home now and play with my dog. 
A: Fish. 
C: Fish? 
A: Dag is fish. 
C: That's all, I'm outa here

No comments:

Post a Comment