Gary Lineker, Paul Gascoigne and a boy scout are all in an aeroplane together. The plane loses power and descends rapidly. The pilot orders everyone to bail out. Unfortunately there are only two parachutes to share between our three friends.
Who's going to go first? Paul Gascoigne doesn't wait, he grabs a pack and out he goes.
Gary Lineker is nervously watching the boy scout who is calmly filing his nails. Gary starts to panic and he orders the boy scout to go.
"Take that last parachute and jump."
Boy scout says: "No need to panic. Gazza took my rucksack."
David Beckham is doing a parachute jump for charity. It's his first jump, so he's extremely nervous. The instructor calmly explains to him that it's all very easy - the minute he jumps out of the plane, the parachute will open automatically. Failing that, there's a personal pullstring, and if that fails, there's the emergency pull-string, and then it's all plain sailing, easy landing, truck to pick you up and back to Old Trafford for a hot bath and dinner.
David Beckham feels reassured. He jumps out. The automatic catch doesn't work. First pull, no luck. The second pull-string comes away in his hand. And David Beckham says:
"Bet there's no truck waiting either."