It was the annual match between the local team and a team of ladies. The men won the toss and elected to bat. The opening batsman was about to indicate two leg as a guard when, he realised a lady was umpiring, so he didn't sign for a guard but began to make his mark.
The lady umpire watched him for a moment then shouted, 'Do you want two leg, or what?'
The batsman smiled and said, 'I'd rather have "what" but I supposed we'd better play cricket first.'