Wednesday, May 20

Horse racing jokes

His horse lost the race, and the owner was irate. "I thought I told you to come with a rush at the end," he screamed at the jockey.

"I would have," answered the jockey, "but I didn't want to leave the horse behind."

He bet on a horse that had a photo finish with the truck that watered the track.

It would have been a photo finish, but by the time my horse finished, it was too dark to take a picture.

Horse sense: that innate sense that keeps horses from betting on people.

He bet on a horse that had excellent breeding. After the horse left the starting gate, he turned around to close it behind him.

Before he goes to the track, he always talks to people who know horse flesh the trainers, the jockey, his butcher.

"Bob, I can't understand how Bill can have so much luck at cards and be so unlucky with horses."

"That's easy," said Bob. "You can't shuffle the horses."

A horse visited a baseball stadium, trotted over to the manager and asked for a tryout. The manager, stunned by the talking horse, figured he'd give the tryout a go.

The horse took batting practice and slammed several pitches out of the park. Next came fielding practice, and he stopped everything at shortstop, and fired the ball to first base each time with amazing accuracy.

The dazed manager said, "Great! Now let's see you run." The horse said, "Are you kidding? If I could run, I'd be at Churchill Downs."

My horse was so slow that the jockey got paid time-and-a-half for overtime.

My horse would have placed in the race, but he kept looking back for his plough.

I found a way to make a horse stand perfectly still. Place a bet on him.

His horse came in so late the jockey was wearing pajamas.

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