That team lacks offense. They're so bad that yesterday the pitching machine threw a no-hitter against them.
A billboard on the left-field fence read: "Our team uses Arrid Extra-Dry." A fan spraypainted underneath, "And they still stink!"
The team trainer doesn't have to worry about the players getting the flu this year. They can't catch anything.
Our defense is a little weak up the middle. The shortstop is so inept he wears a catcher's mask.
In his job he doesn't come in contact with many people. He's third base coach for a last-place team.
Baseball will outlast other sports because a diamond is forever.
Why does a multi-million dollar pitcher need relief?
To give you an idea of the kind of season we've had, the person who handled our side of the scoreboard was sick for three weeks and nobody noticed.
We keep losing games, but our team has a T-shirt night, cap night, a bat night. . . How about something exciting this season like a "Winning Night?"
It's not like I enjoy major league baseball that much. I just love cold hot dogs and watered-down soft drinks.
He acts as if he's hit his head on the dugout roof one too many times.
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